I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they're like a gay fantastic four
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
