I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
