fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
