just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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