No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize