i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my being single is dangerous.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
