i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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