Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
