I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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