What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
