Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
