I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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