Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize