you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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