I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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