He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
