so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
