the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dear god my vagina.
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