put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
