I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
