If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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