So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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