dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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