two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
