I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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