I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
