ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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