Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
