i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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