do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
