I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
