some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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