I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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