She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
