it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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