Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
