Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
