After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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