I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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