I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
