break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
