How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize