She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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