I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
