Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
