I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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