so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize