i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i came on her dog
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
