I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
