Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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