i think i have two assholes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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