hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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