The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
