i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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