i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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