you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
