he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
