last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
