I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
