I love black thongs
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sober January is a disaster.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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