I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
