But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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