First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
