At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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