I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
