You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
