Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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